From the halls of Montezuma to the Streets of Heaven

Okay, Here's My Deal...

My dad lost his battle with pancreatic cancer on Wednesday, May 21 at 4:10 in the morning. He went peacefully and quietly in his sleep. One thing that he alsways said was that he didn't care if we just dug a hole in the ground and threw him in as long as he had his full military graveside service for being a United States Marine Corps veteran of the Vietnam War. It took some doing, but we got it done for him. It was a breathtaking and moving sight to drive into the cemetery and see those Marines in their dress blues lined up according to height, two others flanking the tent and then watching them fold the flag and present it to my mother followed by the 21-gun salute and playing of Taps...well, it was just amazing and such an honor for his memory and service to our country.

Semper Fi, Dad...I love you.

Role Reversal

Okay, Here's My Deal...

I just got home tonight from a 6 day stay with my parents. I wanted to spend some time with Dad and help out Mom. Last night, I realized that the roles of parent and child were starting to reverse. Well, not really reverse, but change.

My mom was giving him a sponge bath and needed some help with washing his feet. She has COPD and has a difficult time bending over for very long. So, I did it for her. As I finished up the first one, I remembered back to times when he helped me to clean up when I was a kid. And, yet, here he was, being taken care of by me.

I didn't mind it at all and I have seen my mom take care of both of her parents in their last few months, so I know that it happens to many adult children. It is just a sad thing. I mean, it is not like he is in his late 80's like my grandpa was. He is 64 for goodness sake.

He has not eaten for 10 days now. His blood pressure is lowering and his heart rate is increasing. The Hospice nurse says that it is likely that his kidneys are starting to shut down as well. It is only a matter of time, which is what we all know it would come to. But, still, it seems just too darn early. No matter how we prepare ourselves, it still is hard.

That Figures

Okay, Here's My Deal...

Tonight while my husband was giving our youngest a bath, he noticed something on his behind. I looked at it and sure enough, it looked like ringworm. Of course. That figures. What else have we got to deal with in our family right now?!?!?!

Bring it On!!

Okay, Here's My Deal...

Oh, it's on now.

I have been a faithful employee of my school district for 17 years. What does that mean to the central office administration? Evidently not much.

I have not missed much school yet because of my dad's cancer. I had been just going through my principal for things, but now that I am afraid that the end may be closer, I wanted to take a couple of days each week to be able to go to see him and help my mom. I was talking 5 total days since the end of the school year is June 2 for kids and the 4th for me.

I have used my personal days already to visit my husband's family over Chrsitmas. I get only 6 total family sick days--to be used for illnesses of children, spouses and parents--and I have 1/4 of a day left. Family emergency days are only for hospitalization of kids, spouses and parents. The Federal Family Medical Leave Act does not guarantee getting paid for days taken off. But I have many, many sick days for myself.

I thought I would do the right and honest thing and go to my central office administrators and explain what is going on and see what we could work out. There is an "out" clause for them in the contract that says something to the effect that they can grant additional paid leave at their disgretion but that said leaves shall not set a precedent.

Well, my superintendant is out of town, so I talked to the second in command. He was very sympathetic and said he'd see what he could do after talking to the super via phone aand he'd call me later in the day. Well, he did and what seemed so simple is a big deal.

He talked to the super, the business manager and the district attorney...anyway, he was hoping to swing emergency leave for me for the 5 whole days I was requesting. But, they looked back for the past three years to see how it had been used (even though there is no precidence...) and it had been used for car accidents, injuries, etc. but never for dying family members.

This is what they consider an event of "eventuality" meaning it would eventually happen anyway, so it is not considered an emergency. However, they would be fully supportive of me taking any time off I needed, but it would be UNPAID. I could tell in his voice that he knew it was not right and that he wished he could do something but his hands were tied.

I told him that I had been in this district for 17 years and this is the thanks I get? He said that there had been cases where people took emergency leave and it was found out that they had actually taken vacation. So, I said, I get punished for what others had done? Like I am going to lie and say my father is dying so I can go on vacation?! Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!?!

So, fine. Instead of allowing me to take time off to see my dying father and help my mother and paying for a sub for FIVE days...they are going to end up paying for a sub for the rest of the year AND paying me. See, I have been going to my doctor for several months for depression and stress and even more since my dad's diagnonsis and it is well documented, so I will get a medical excuse for the rest of the year and just be done. Am I happy about it? No. But what else can I do? I will not be forced to choose between my father and my students. But, that is what they are doing. It is crazy. It will probably honk them off because they will know why I am really leaving...but they can't do anything because I will have a written excuse from my physician and I have the sick days. If they want to mess with me, BRING IT ON.

Putting It All Together

Okay, Here's My Deal...

The end of last week and this weekend were busy. I went home to help out with my parents. Mom went into the hospital and my brother and SIL were up there to help with Dad and do whatever they could for Mom. I went up to help out, too. On Sat my SIL left and then later my brother left, too. Yeah, he was getting sick and needed to vamous so neitehr Mom or Dad were affected...making him feel like poo, what what can you do? If you are sick, you are sick. I came home last night to see my boys, both the little ones and my husband, and get some things done that I need to do before I go back up to my parents' house.

Anyway, the weekend was wild. Dad had a rough time with some confusion and halucinations, we are still not sure if it is justhte natural progression of hte cancer or meds or a combination of both. That and recovering from heer ordeal really sent Mom close to the edge. We ended up contacting Hospice to come down and bring some things and do an assessment of Dad. The nurse who came was really nice and she talked with Dad and then with us for a long time. Mom asked her if she would give her opinion of how long she thought Dad might have left. Of course, she said everyone is different and there are never any guarantees and there are so many factors, but she felt that it cold be a couple of weeks to a month.

It was really difficult for me to try and figure out what to do...should I stay longer and help my mom more for a few days and then come home...should I come home and hug my three guys for support and energy and love and take care of things I needed to so I could ease my mind and come back to my parents later this week? My mom said that I should do what I needed to do for me and when I asked my husband he told me the same thing...thanks for the help people--NOT. But, I can't blame them, no one right now can tell anyone what to do or how to feel. We are all putting together everything and trying to process what is going on. Evidently, I came home, because here I am. Anyway, I am trying to tie up some things over the next few days and then will most likely go back at the end of this week into the weekend.