Nothing Clever Tonight...

Okay, Here's My Deal...

I call this penguin graphic "Freaked Out" and I thought it appropriate because that is how I feel right now about just about everything. As of Friday, two days ago Fridday, I have 7 weeks to go until my C-section and just 5 weeks to go before the start of my maternity leave from school. Now, it is not the lesson plans that have me freaked out--I have had those done for months...I could leave tomorrow and anyone could come into my room and know what I have planned for the rest of the school year.

It's just that, well, my classroom always looks like a tornado, tsunami and earthquake hit it simultaneoulsly. I am an organized person in a disorganized environment...there is a method to my chaos, but I am the only on that knows it and try as I might, I can't seem to dig out of it and I am running out of time.

Then, there is the house. Not in much condition for a new baby, but little by little we are getting there. I say we, but in all honesty, I mean my husband. The bulk of it has seemed to fall in his lap...not that I necessarily planned it that way, but as I am getting bigger and more tired I am less able to do my share--not that I do my share most of the time anyway. He is neater than me and takes on a lot of the responsibility even when I am not pregnant. Lately, I feel so crappy about it because I see and feel the toll it is taking on him. He is a little freaked out, too, but he would not admit it because he doesn't want to worry me. He seriously needs some him time, but he won't take it. I feel like he is putting everything he needs off for me right now and while I appreciate it so much and don't tell him nearly enough, I know that he will hit a breaking point soon and it will not be good.

Then there is our son, you know, the one we already have, not the one I am still working on. The last two weeks have been really trying for him. Two and a half is a hard age...he is becomming more vocal, but can't say everyting he wants and he gets SOOOO frustrated and then his temper (got that from me, I am positive) goes and it is on. Everything is a battle and he is not trying to be uncooperative--just testing and seeing if we are going to be consistent and follow through. Normal for his age, but just a little overwhelming for us.

I am starting to wonder if he is starting to realize what is about to happen or at least senses changes on the horizon. We have been trying to do some changes as we have gone along so not everything happens at once, but I think we may have overwhelmed him. In the past two weeks, we have converted his toddler bed into a big boy bed...and we got the crib set up and used his old mattress for that...we have moved his car seat over so that he would be used to riding in a different spot in the van...next will be to put the other car seat in with him...

Then there is my relationship with God. I put it last, but it should be first. That statement there just sums it all up. I think that is why everything else has me so freaked out is because I have fallen so off track with my most important relationship. And I don't say that to slight my relationship with my husband. But being on track with Him who created me in order for me to be with my husband and children, well, that is most important because without that, there would not be the other relationships I have.

Okay, I think I will go to the fridge to see if we have any cheese to go with my whine I have just had.