Chemically Re-Balanced?

Okay, Here's My Deal...

Tom Cruise is really not concerned with my life, as he has no clue I exsist, but if he were, he'd be upset. I am going to start some meds tonight for PPD...that is post partum depression if you are unaware of the anacronym. I thought i had "escaped" it this time around (had it with my first, too) but no such luck.

It is difficult because "regular old depression" just makes you feel crappy about yourself as a person, but this makes you feel crappy as a mother and that for me is worse because I would give my life with no questions asked for these boys. I really did not want to go back on meds, but my guys deserve someone who is going to be stable emotionally and be a rational thinker and right now I am not really either one of those things.

However, the fact that I recongnized it and sought help is a good thing. Many women do not.

The fact that my husband is supportive and understanding is a good thing. Many women do not have that to rely on. I know i am lukcy in that regard. He tells me he is proud of me that I am doing something to help myself--but in reality I am helping my sons have the best mama they can have and right now I am not that...at least that is how I feel.

The one thing, well, not the only thing, but the thing I regret most is that I had been told/advised that I could ask for meds while still in the hospital after having my son so that I might avoid delving into the darkness of PPD--but I did not. I thought I was in a stronger place mentally than I was the first time around and simply by "knowing better" and being an "experienced mother" I would not allow it to happen again. Moron.