Sigh

Okay, Here's My Deal...

But the thing is, I don't know what my deal is. I almost picked a graphic that had a penguin in a boat, with his head resting on his flipper--sort of looks like he is pondering the meaning of his life.

Guess that is sort of where I am at. Pondering. Not sure if it is just the blues I can't shake or if it is a mini midlife crisis or just a mindset I am stuck in right now. Nothing in particular that I can pinpoint or name. Just sort of lumping along.

Truly, I am a blessed person. Really, I am, and I do know that and understand that there are other people who have things worse than me. I have a loving family; immediate, nuclear and extended. I have a job and so does my spouse. I have a faith--although it is a bit befuddled right now. My basic needs of food, clothing and shelter are met...sometimes it is a rough time going at the end of a payperiod, but for the most part, with a little help here and there, we are fine.

Even though at 4 and quarter years and 17 months they soemtimes work my nerves, I love my boys and can't imagine life without them. And my husband!! Oh so incrredible and amazing and supportive.

From what I gather, I am pretty successful at my job. I mean, administration, peers, parents and students often tell me this. But there are always things that happen that make you question your career path.

They may not be the fanciest of cars or the home of our dreams, but they get us from point A to B and give us shelter. And, honestly, I like a good, burnt hot dog almost as well as a nice warm pink center steak.

Deep down I do know and believe and trust completely in God, Jesus and the Spirit. Things are just in a limbo right now in my faith. I haven't lost it and am certainly not questioning it. But, I am not maturing or growing right now.

I try not to be a glass half-empty person or an Eeyore type complainer. I try to be optimistic but yet realistic.

So, what is my deal? Don't know. Wish I did and then could be looking back on this time as a learning period. Something is going on to work for good according to His purpose...and when it pours, He reigns. Right? At least that is what I pray for. Or I would if I could pray. Been having trouble there. Again, don't know what my deal is.

Well, dwelling and rambling isn't going to change things at this moment, so I guess I will stop for now, do a couple more things and then head to bed.