Not Coordinated ENough

Okay, Here's My Deal...

This guy reminds me of the rub-your-head-and-pat-your-stomach thing we all try to do at one time or another. Well, if I am ever able to do that, it is just for a brief time and then I am so through it's pathetic.

That is how I feel right now...except add to the mix of rubbing and patting hopping on one foot and reciting the alphabet backwards. Everything is coming at me at once and I am not coordinated enough!!

Part of it is feeling the pressure of getting everything done at school that needs to be done in 9-count them-9 days (actaully only 8 if you don't count the last day, which is an all-day school-wide outside Olympic type games day...yeah, looking forward to that...well, yeah, I guess I am because no kids to dela with in a classroom. Never Mind.)

Part of it is feeling the pressure of when on Earth am I ever going to get the hang of this being a mom thing? He will be two years old in a week and I still feel like he is brand new and I don'thave a clue what to do with him. Sometimes I feel my husband is a better Mommy than me...I just don't seem to have the patience or understanding it takes to be as good with him as my husband is. You'd think by now I would have that down.

Part of it is feeling the crunch of being close to 40 and wanting another baby...or do I? YES, but read that last paragraph again. If I can't get it together with one, how will I manange two?!?! And, if I would get the different teaching job, I won't have the sick days enough for a fully paid maternity leave if I do get pregnant and would be due during the school year...

Which leads me to part of it is feeling the crunch of getting everything ready for the bankruptcy and coming to terms with going through with it.

Anyway, those are some of my assorted deals right now...which presents the last part of it...feeling like I am not trusting God enough to give Him "permission" to deal with some of my delas--like I need to give Him permission. But I know that He won't intervene on things unless I give them completely to Him. What is my deal aobut not being able to do that right now?