Sigh

Okay, Here's My Deal...

But the thing is, I don't know what my deal is. I almost picked a graphic that had a penguin in a boat, with his head resting on his flipper--sort of looks like he is pondering the meaning of his life.

Guess that is sort of where I am at. Pondering. Not sure if it is just the blues I can't shake or if it is a mini midlife crisis or just a mindset I am stuck in right now. Nothing in particular that I can pinpoint or name. Just sort of lumping along.

Truly, I am a blessed person. Really, I am, and I do know that and understand that there are other people who have things worse than me. I have a loving family; immediate, nuclear and extended. I have a job and so does my spouse. I have a faith--although it is a bit befuddled right now. My basic needs of food, clothing and shelter are met...sometimes it is a rough time going at the end of a payperiod, but for the most part, with a little help here and there, we are fine.

Even though at 4 and quarter years and 17 months they soemtimes work my nerves, I love my boys and can't imagine life without them. And my husband!! Oh so incrredible and amazing and supportive.

From what I gather, I am pretty successful at my job. I mean, administration, peers, parents and students often tell me this. But there are always things that happen that make you question your career path.

They may not be the fanciest of cars or the home of our dreams, but they get us from point A to B and give us shelter. And, honestly, I like a good, burnt hot dog almost as well as a nice warm pink center steak.

Deep down I do know and believe and trust completely in God, Jesus and the Spirit. Things are just in a limbo right now in my faith. I haven't lost it and am certainly not questioning it. But, I am not maturing or growing right now.

I try not to be a glass half-empty person or an Eeyore type complainer. I try to be optimistic but yet realistic.

So, what is my deal? Don't know. Wish I did and then could be looking back on this time as a learning period. Something is going on to work for good according to His purpose...and when it pours, He reigns. Right? At least that is what I pray for. Or I would if I could pray. Been having trouble there. Again, don't know what my deal is.

Well, dwelling and rambling isn't going to change things at this moment, so I guess I will stop for now, do a couple more things and then head to bed.

Living Dead

Okay, Here's My Deal...

I feel like a zombie. I should be tired, I am tired, but can't seem to sleep at the moment. I am finally, I think, getting over my cold. A slightly stuffy nose and residual coughs here and there are about all that is left. Feel like one of the meds I took a bit ago is stuck in my throat. So many things are running through my mind--it is just sort of spinning. So, here I am blogging to hopefully get tired and clear my head of stuff like:

• This week is homecomming week...one that is always truly productive in education. Yes, sarcasm...glad you picked up on that subtleness. Tomorrow is yad sdrawkcab** so my routine will be all goobered up.
• The next day I go see a surgeon to see about a colonoscopy. Yay for me.
• The day after I go to see my mom to support her before and after her colonoscopy. Yay for her. That is, if I am well enough to go. Don't want to get her sick.
• well, those are enough to list for now.

(**backwards day)

TKO

Okay, Here's My Deal...

This is me. Down. Layed out. Seeing stars. Staring, wondering if it is okay to get back up or to lay here a little bit longer. Run down and tired. Scared and wondering about the future & trying to survive the present
and wondering what happened in the past to lead to here.
Time for bed now.

Reaching the Summit/Starting at Basecamp

Okay, Here's My Deal...

The youngest, almost 17 months, has now pretty much mastered climbing. So, the watchful eyes of dad and mom are now even more fixed on him. He is quick. Before I knew it today, he had climbed onto some clothes by our bed and onto my nightstand knocking off the light and the clock as he got himself situated. You name it, he is going to try and climb it. We have entered a whole new stage of toddlerdom.

Meanwhile, the oldest, almost 4 1/2 years, is just now starting to climb a new mountain...preschool. He has made the transition from the sitter to the preschool really well. We get to see many works of craft and art as well as some worksheets he has done. Also, we placed our first bookorder through school as parents. You remember the forms as kids...lots of pictures of the books, you fill out the form on the back and return it to school.

No turning back now.

Cowboys and Dragons

Okay, Here's My Deal...

Well, deals actually. This week in my town, there is a rodeo. It is a BIG deal for our community and there are festivities all week. Saturday is always the parade and I have not missed one in 18 years. Since my husband has been here, he has not missed one, and now the boys have been to one each of their short lives. We made out on candy this year. It helps when current and not so former students are on floats or walking with local community groups during the parade. You know it is the end of the parade when you see horses for blocks and blocks followed by the street sweeper--which doesn't clean the streets so much as it flattens and spread the horse and donkey poo over a wider area in the streets. We had fun. Wore the youngest out--took an almost 4 hour nap when we got home. Oldest could not wait to get home to play Spyro, which is the dragon part of my deal.

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My husband has a Playstation and a Playstation 2. And he has a bajillion games. Our 4 year old discovered them this summer. In just a couple of months, he has gotten really pretty good at playing Spyro 2: Ripto's Revenge. It is a bout a dragon named Spyro. And, actually, it is something that I can even play. This afternoon, between him, my husband and myself, we have gotten really far and done things we had not done before. The only problem is that we do not have a memory card so we cannot save our game. So all of the hard work is for nothing. My husband got on eBay today and bought one, so we will have one soon. By then, we will be so good we will just sail through the game. Yeah right.

UltraGood News

Okay, Here's My Deal...

I had an ultrasound today to double check something that showed up on another ultrasound. I was told that there were no abnormailites to worry about and that everything looked fine. That was a relief. I was not too concerned anyway, but it was just nice to have that confirmation. Now, if only my next batch of blood tests shows everything getting back to normal, that would be even better!!

Is it the first Tuesday in November yet?!

Okay, Here's My Deal ...

I am ready for election day to come. Not that I am terribly thrilled with any of the candidates for either president or vice president--but so that it is over and done with and we can get on with things. I just think that this is a case of the lesser of two evils, sorry to say.

On a different note, I guess it is quite interesting that no matter who gets elected, history will be made. It will either be the first black president or the first femal vice president. And by interesting, I don't necessarily mean good. Here is where I will most likely pi$$ off feminists. I just have never felt comfortable with the idea of a female POTUS (President Of The United States...now, I know the candidate is running for VP, but I also know that she would be next in line for the office if something should happen. I can't tell you why it makes me feel uncomfortable, it just does. I know that may not seem right for someone who is educated and supports the rights of women to feel that way...but I do and I can't help it...sorry. I am now ready to read all of the "hate comments" that I am guessing I may get.

Do I know who I am going to vote for? Not 100% at the moment, but I do know who I am leaning toward. That doesn't mean that I won't keep an open mind right up until the day.

Where has the time gone?

Okay, Here's My Deal...

This morning my son put on his Spiderman backpack filled with a Spiderman notebook and folder, glue, crayons, safety scissors, kleenex, and paint shirt and walked into the building where he will be attending daycare and preschool this year. He will start school tomorrow so today was just a get comfortable day.

His teacher helped him get things unpacked and showed him where things were, then helped him pick out something to play with when we left. There are a couple of kids there who went to the sitter with him, so he saw some familiar faces. When we went ot pick him up, he was outside playing and we could tell he had a great day.

Before we even got there, I knew how much he had grown up...we were in the van taking his little brother to the sitter and he said to me, "I want to stay in the van when you take him in. I will be just fine, Mom." How very independent and confident. How sad yet how encouraging it is to me to see that.